Pun Inspiration: Bears
Let’s face it. This year has been a grizzly one. In a year that has largely been polar-izing, it appears we can all agree on two things: 1) 2020 has basically been Pooh and 2) the baby Giant Panda born at Smithsonian’s National Zoo is unbearably cute!
I’m not quite at the level of the panda-razzi, the nickname I’ve heard for the hardcore panda fans who are oso infatuated with them. These fans regularly watch the bears on the PandaCam or visit the Panda House, even setting up chairs to more comfortably watch them for hours. And by that, I usually mean watch them sleep for hours. Arguably, they are the real sloth bears. (If you don’t know about actual sloth bears, you’re missing out! I could recount their admirable, ridiculous, and pawsome traits here, but I’ll muzzle myself on the subject for now and focus on one bear at a time.)
But I have to admit, when Mei Xiang’s possible due date drew nearer and the 22 year-old mother of three went into labor, I paws-ed my work. I opened my computer and loaded the PandaCam. Joining in the hula-Baloo, the masses and I watched with bated breath for the first signs of the pink, squealing newborn cub.
I denned up on my couch, monitoring Mei’s movements and foraging for clues about the impending birth. Unfortunately, the signs weren’t that black and white. She’s breathing harder. Does that mean she’ll start pushing soon? She shifted positions. Does that mean she’s getting into a better spot to deliver? Is this the tail end of the process or has it just started? How long does panda labor last anyways?
Shockingly, that wasn’t a question on the Panda page’s FAQ’s.
Every few minutes, the video koala-ty went fuzzy. It would then freeze as the panda fans and I overwhelmed the server. Undeterred, each time, I reloaded the page. My furvent watch persisted for about two hours. I would have thought I’d be bored by this point, basically just watching a panda breathe for two hours. But I was claw-fully excited at the prospect of witnessing the butter-stick-sized baby’s entrance into the world. Side note: baby pandas only weigh between 3 to 5 ounces at birth so it really seems like their moms do the bear minimum to grow fetuses in their wombs.
Anyways, sadly, after vigilant monitoring, no tiny panda appeared.
Feeling silly, I finally caved. I’d been in a state of in-ursa for an embearrassingly long time and I recognized that the wait could still go on for hours. Not to mention, my stomach was growling. So I closed my laptop and went to pick up my takeout dinner.
… I’m sure you see where this is going.
That’s right! Not four minutes after shutting my laptop, the wiggling, pink mini-Giant panda made his debut into the world. I felt bamboo-zled.
It’s a good thing he’s cute because this level of irony was almost more than I could bear. But I’m glad he finally came and said, “Hi, Bear Nation!”
Pun Count: 24 + 2 visuals
In an I-Deeley World 